Top mgmt yg nyanyukk..

I just came back from a meeting..

I was supposed to present the changes that Im going to perform which involves decommisioning the old sys and live with the new sys.. Apart from that, there's new network connectivity required to be setup for the new sys as well..

Ive planned this like months ago.. Anything that people ask me to do, anything.. Talk to respective people, get approval, prepare documentation, get sign off and so many things.. I did everything that I could remember.. I feel like balls thrown to a dog.. And I feel like Im the dog.. I dont care as long I could finish this..

It started nicely when I briefed them the changes and it really gettting on my nerve when someone claimed that he dont know anything about the changes when we have actually discussed and get sign off from him..

Mulut aku ringan nak ckp, KO NYANYUK KE..

But I cant la kan.. karang kena discplinary action lagi plak.. kita kuli ajek..

Things like this, memang bangang.. especially when someone from top mgmt said something stupid like that.. Being one of the top mgmt, it's just intolerable.. haprakkk..

Yg paling aku pissed off, sbb dia tak notice what he had sign, he want to revisit all the changes and pending his approval.. Meaning, all the few monthhs work, discussed with him, is freaking rubbish.. Buang masa haku.. And expect me to tell the client for the extra time needed..

Kiranya buat salah org lain, kena tanggung org lain..

What's new in this company.. sume teloq kecut..

Serving this company is &@(*#

Dah.. I have enough with my work.. Im getting bored day after day.. Till I feel like nothing Im doing rite now is rite anymore.. Analyse this situation of the environment that sux all the time..

- when every meeting, the only I hear is complaint.. complaint.. complaint..
- when situation is equal to deficiency..
- when root cause is not matter anymore..
- when solutions taken by management does not solve the situation as it was analysed againt wrong root cause
- when motivation and morale to work is equal to zero..
- when blaming between head of dept is smart..
- when denying and defensive is daily conversation between colleagues

The more I listed, the more it's coming back to me.. To stay positive while others are not a pretty challenging.. To kill the office politics sound impossible.. To take my minds off from complaining seems also impossible..

Apa aku merepek.. mmg aku dah naik benci duduk sini.. whatever..

Cant Let Go, Cant Give Up..

There are few things that I cant let go and give up in my life.. I leave family and jobs out of this list as these will tag along to my whole life not because I can live without them but I cant live without one of it.. No point of elaborating this as I dont consider leaving either one of it at all.. Job yeah, I have thoughts of switching job but to be Jobless, err.. I dont think so..

Anway.. back to the list..

1. Coffee/Nescafe..

Ive started drinking caffien since I was 7 years old.. 23 years of drinking coffee , 4 mug a day..You calculate yourself how even I live without caffien.. I did try to quit though and took uncaffienated coffee stuff, but it's just didnt work.. Im thinking to reduce it, will reduce it, and get rid out of it.. I dont know how, but I will..

2. Soulmate

I met him when I was 22.. He was my first love.. I had a few before and the feelings are not even close to what I had with him.. At that time, I feel like, he's my destiny, my soulmate, my life partner even tie-the-knot was not the subject at that time.. We filled our time, everyday, with love until today.. Knowing the fact he's engaged to someone else (family arranged marriage), I still feel the same.. None of my feelings have changed since the day I meet him.. I should get rid of these too.. I dont know how, but I will..

3. Uncovered..

I know I should give this up since I reached my puberty and no tolerance against Hukum Syarak.. I must have my aurat covered soon.. I know I will.. soon..

MiSCondUCT..

Email thingy again..

Woho.. yesterday was 'hot'.. Hot but not sweaty.. Someone labelled me as MiSCondUCT.. What I did was, express my disapproval of his email which reveals the ways of our handling things to customers which should be internal in emm.. not very nice way..

I did apologize somehow I didnt mean the word apologize.. Such a big header I am..

In the end, I learn.. wahh..bestnyer dapat laser sekali sekala kat mgmt.. ekekeke..

Annoyance Bitch of the Day..

I receive emails who addressed me as Puan today.. After I responded to them nicely, I put a note below at the bottom of the email, NB : Cik ler.. Bukan Puan..

For those who dont understand Malay,
Puan = Mrs
Cik = Miss

People might find this not sensitive or nothing or irrelatively small matter, but for me it is GODDAMN BIG, HUGEEEEE...

I JUST BROKE OFF YESTERDAY, AND I AM 30 AND PAINFULLY SINGLE..

Please.. I require a little bit of tolerance..

Sorry.. I am annoyance bitch today.. let me..

NB : Havent reach 24 hrs yet, and Im missing him like hell.. gosh.. Im going to perform Zuhr now.. God, give me some strength..

I finally did what I had to do..

I back off (I try not to use dump coz I know how hurt he would felt), to let 2 human beings build dreams to live happily ever after.. Even we love each other too much or as described by him as soulmate relationship for what we had, I feel this is most noble action that I ever made in my life.. Selamat Bertunang dan Selamat Pengantin Baru.. I am deeply hurt but I still pray for your happiness.. Life is not all about what we want, it's about what you sacrifice..

Sakit lagi..

I was coughing for the past 2 weeks, followed by high fever.. My cough sounded deep, dry and painful.. As for me, my entire stomach with my dinner/lunch/breakfast digested in it cannot wait to come out.. I had never nothing like this until I had the high fever again yesterday.. Work is piling up the office and this I couldnt say no to myself to go to see the doctor.. Malu nak jumpa dr ni balik as she was the same doctor.. I was here last 2 weeks with different problem, asking for sleeping pills because I cant sleep for 4 days in a row.. I had insomnia and referred me to hospital to meet the pshcyciatrist (im not sure if i spell this right) .. And now, she referred me to hospital to meet with respitory experts, suspect lung infection..

I reached hospital in few minutes and remembered just exact date as today last year, I was here for knee surgery.. and I still cant walk properly tho.. few months after that, I was admitted to this same hospital for my ulcer in my right eye, which could cause me permanent blindness.. And today, Im sick again.. I prayed nothing wrong with my lungs.. I couldnt breath properly since last 2 weeks and dont want to build reputation as 'TAIK PENYAKIT' in the office you know..

After x rays and short diagnosis with dr, I was find ok with small infections.. I will be cured with just antibiotics.. And that relief me so much.. Alhamdullillah.. Even that I forgot You sometime, You still listen.. And I will always remember that you will always be there for me..

Lega..